Friday, January 18, 2013

Well that was awkward..

In many of the books I've read, and from what I've heard from other people's experiences, women get asked all sorts of random and inappropriate things while pregnant. I've brushed them off for the most part, but once I started thinking about it, the list is slowly growing and becoming increasingly more ridiculous.

The questions below are things that I have been asked by various people (so far). I'm only at the half way point (a little over actually) and I'm sure this list will continue to grow as I get bigger, but so far its been comical.

1) Do you have stretch marks yet? Why sure, random person who is not a family member or my husband, lets take a look at my stretched skin and see if we can find any.  Its like a twisted version of "I Spy".

2) Do you have any weird cravings? Let me tell you about what I couldn't live without when I was pregnant.. Um.. no, thank you. I haven't had any weird cravings so far, and your gross description of what you had to have will likely make me sick.

3) Do you guys have names picked out? Well we have a few that we like, but are keeping them private until the birth.
     Oh, that’s no fun.. come-on, tell me, I can keep a secret! Why sure, we haven't told anyone in the world yet, including family members, what names we like, but sure, I will let you in on our little secret. I'm sure you can keep it quiet.

4) Do you have to pee all the time? If not, just wait, that will happen to you. Well thank you very much for the insight. I'm glad to know someone other than me is very keen to know about my restroom habits.

5) Oh gosh that looks heavy, do you want me to get that for you?! While I greatly appreciate the sentiment on this one, I'm only 5 months pregnant, not a complete invalid. I'll likely take you up on this offer later on, when I will struggle to stand up let alone carry anything, but for now, I'm doing ok with this box of light-bulbs.

6) Do you plan on having an epidural? Labor is very painful. Last I checked, birth is still a long ways away, and while I've thought about what I'd like to do, I likely won't be sharing these intimate details with you. But thanks for the reminder of what we have in our future. SO kind of you.

7) I hope for your sake that the baby is small.. Really? Really?! Thank you for that. Just, thanks.

8) Have you noticed a change in your hair yet? If its growing faster - especially on your legs - its definitely a boy. Thank you for your concern about my bodily hygiene. I'm good so far, but if I need someone to assess if I'm beginning to turn into Sasquatch, you'll be the first one I call.

9) How much weight have you gained so far? In our society, talking about a woman's weight is taboo enough, but asking when she's pregnant? Ballsy.

10) Were you guys trying? (voice drops to a whisper) or was it a surprise..? really lady? how do you expect this conversation to go? Why yes it was a surprise, in fact, we have a stressful work week and a bottle of wine to thank for this little blessing! (Which for the record is soo not true. We were trying and are so blessed to have created this little one!) but this is so rude to even ask!

** After putting this list together, I have to guiltily admit that I've asked more than a few of these to other pregnant women in the past.  If reading through this list and you feel you could have asked me one of the above items, dont sweat it at all!  It gave me a good laugh afterwards and a fun blog post.  To be truthful, its a wonder I'm able to even remember them!    ;)

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